More than I could ask for

Sitting on a plane, holding hands.

Our iPods playing different tunes.

Better than Ezra's "A Lifetime" came on.

I remember this song.

When did I hear it last?

It was for a TVC script.

For COM201?

One of my favorites.

Soundtrack for a Fight Against Teenage Suicide Awareness script.

Don't remember much of what I wrote but...

The scene began at a dining table of fighting parents.

Zoom in to a teenage boy's jaded face.

The sounds melt away slowly, presumably drowned by his thoughts.

Cut to football field.

Teen wanders aimlessly along the side.

Football hits him in the head.

Hard.

Laughter is heard.

Cut to scene of teen carrying his baby sister, a small smile on his face.

Sunlight on their cheeks.

He whispered quietly in her ear, "Goodbye little one."

Scene blacks out.

CTA message appears.

VO goes: Don't be too late.

Boy did I love that class.

It was the same class where I met Livie.

Livie, my partner in crime during late night talks and dining hall meals.

Boba tea and outlet shopping.

Heels and miniskirts.

In the snow.

Dear Livie who introduced me to the bf then.

The bf who is now the love of my life.

I have a lot to thank for.

Family. Friends. Love. Career. Travels. Life.

Love.

It's all very real.

It's too late

I've become one of those bloggers who post single YouTube videos which relatively means a lot more to me than it does to readers. And when I say something, I'm really saying nothing - even to myself.

So much went on last month, yet my mind's drawing a blank right now. I guess that's what happens when time just passes you by unsuspectingly. I could have sworn the bastard winked as he did, grinning because he knows I can only have him when he wants.

There's a lot to be grateful for this past month. Suen's work took her here and we managed to drag Mun out to paint the town red (how old am I?!!). Andrew Bird came to see his adoring fans at the Esplanade - weeeee! And this weekend, Ruby's coming from Jakarta with her beau.

My skin got better. My skin got worse. I'm 10lbs heavier and oddly, a wee bit happier. My bank account's picking up after last year's huge expenditures. Friends are making time to travel to my work so we can do lunch together. My macarons are behaving.

The bf and I are, well sticky :)

Read the label

US withdrawal symptoms include, but are not limited to, disorientation, lethargy, tearing, blocked nose and diarrhea. Ok, maybe not the diarrhea. To call mine a chemical dependence isn't pushing it, because I'm sure my dopamine levels were higher on 5th Av. than on Orchard Rd.

Only today after an afternoon yoga session, a movie, a mini date with the bf and a jog around the neighborhood, did I begin to feel a little more like myself. Could it be time to let go and move on?

I'll take the first step towards closure by posting photos.

Chapter 1: LA

The highlight of this trip was of course, the Moore's wedding reception. Livie was as beautiful a bride as we expected. The 3 couples had breakfast at Green Street and spent the afternoon at Old Town Pasadena before hitting the Langham Hotel where the bride and groom prepped for the event. Wendy and I played bridesmaids, covering up the tattoo on Livie's shoulder with makeup. It was a stark reminder of our college girlie moments


Big man holding a teeny blue bag, our present for the bride


Wendy and I stealing from the flower arrangements. We don't recommend this unless you're best friends with the bride. It helps too if she's far from the bridezilla sort, which Livie was


The fires in Pasadena were apparent throughout our stay and didn't once cease. We saw them early in the morning through the night. And in the still of the night, the air smelled like firewood. It was pretty scary


Like most Asians, we couldn't do without supper. This one was right after the reception. The night before, we had the greasiest burgers in the world right after a huge Mexican dinner


Dinner/supper during our last night with Livie. This place holds so many memories for Liv and I. It's the one Taiwanese restaurant we never fail to visit each time I visit LA. And each time, we forget how to order "sweet butter toast" in Chinese. Sweet butter toast will never be the same without you Liv


My last meal in LA at the Corner Bakery. I love how something simple like Caesar salad and carbonara could be so consistently good. It's like going to Boudin and getting the same ol' jalapeno cheese bagel and never being disappointed. This is far from what I can say for places like P.S. Cafe that charges an arm and a leg for sub par dishes


Walking back to the Moore's (yes I walked some distance in LA), I spotted these squirrels happily munching nuts and acorns from the tree


Chapter 2: San Francisco


First day in SF I met with my gfs and a delightful new addition, Little Arwen Rayne. Mommy and baby are just beautiful to look at. I love how Rachel has the most natural nurturing tendencies, caring for Arwen's needs at every drop of a tear or kick of her little socked feet. I wonder if I'll be as natural a mom


Melissa carrying little Arwen


I got to feed little Arwen lunch and carry her on my lap through dessert! So fun :)


Look how darling she is


Dinner at Bar Tartine, my now favorite restaurant in the Mission, with Terry, Borina and Curtis


Best gnocchi ever next to Zuni Cafe's signature. Compared to the latter, which is made of ricotta and simply poached with butter, this one's made of semolina, sauteed then served with the tastiest tomato sauce and thyme. The bf ordered burger and fries, and they were served with homemade ketchup. These are the details I really miss about SF restaurants


The weather was amazing that night, so much so that there was no need for air conditioning in the restaurant. I stepped out halfway to take a photo of the night sky trying to capture the stillness in the air


Borina was a darling and spent the next day taking me everywhere from Costco to Hayes. We got yelled at by a mad Japanese woman for, innocently mind you, trying to take a picture of her store. When she barked "No pictures!!" I swiftly put away my camera, not without first apologizing. Seconds later, we realized the woman was following us closely as we walked through her store repeatedly muttering, "Thank you. Goodbye." ??! We walked out feeling totally unwelcomed, only to hear an apology from her clerk who said "I'm sorry, but we spend a lot of time on the decor in this store, so we hope you understand." Before I could explain how he didn't have to apologize for that but rather the store owner's utter rudeness, she came waving at him yelling "No need to explain yourself!" Hilarious. The bf always loved the decor of this store, so it's really sad how she had to tarnish my memory of it.

Seems we're not the only ones who were horrified by the experience. Read Maria L.'s and others' reviews on Yelp!


Miette, at Hayes, was a lot less Nazi-like. Their decor remains sweet as meringues and we love them for their macarons to their sweet little cupcakes. Well done Miette!


Dinner at Range with Shinta, Erick, Yoshi and Momoko, our other couple friends. It may surprise you to know that these young friends are married! Thanks for coming out you guys. It's really nice to see you again


We had a little "Chad" and "Steve" adventure this time around though not like the previous one where Curtis and Chris were mistaken for the founders of YouTube at a Friendster event. This was driving around town in an aqua zip car, eating In-N-Out before crashing in bed :) We heart Chad


Fog came in on the last day of our trip, which made it perfect for the next chapter: New York

Graciously lost in limbo

We are back!

Though it felt good to sink our fatigued bodies into a cushy bed after a loooong 20+ hour flight from NY, I have to admit, I am feeling a tad bit unsettled.

How long will it take before I get used to waking up and not feel Leo's or Bo's morning licks on my face? Is it normal to go through days without having a list of new and exciting places to explore everyday? Will my hands feel empty from not carrying a cardigan around everyday, for fear of seasons changing?

It's been an amazing, almost surreal, 2 weeks with old friends and a lot of good food. Some adjustments will have to be made as I start my new job/commute tomorrow and get back into the swing of things in Singapore, which admittedly, I did miss because this is where I now call home.

Quick recap before I start posting pictures:

• Livie's wedding reception was SUPER fun. We knew she married right when her father-in-law started pushing everyone to "shot gun" cans of beers in his kitchen. The result? This. And her mother-in-law definitely has her head screwed in the right place when she decided to book a room at a hotel that night. Way to go Moores!
• We love you Liv, and are glad you've found your match in Peter :) I wasn't kidding when I asked to write. Please do so as we miss you dearly every day we're apart.
  
• Shinta and Erick has a beautiful apartment in the Sunset area which encouraged me explore that side of SF for the very first time. I cannot believe we lived in SF for 5 years and spent most of our time in the north east neighborhoods. Thanks for having us dear friends!
  
• Wendy and Marcos were the BEST hosts we could ask for in NY. We will certainly miss having you both as roommies! Who am I gonna go to for advice on outfit selections everyday? And who will laugh at Chris' dude jokes now? You guys have just been lovely company. Please come visit soon so we can have breakfast with orangutans together
  
• Ryan is truly one of the nicest guys on earth.
  
• We are as familiar with the streets of Boston as we were 5 years ago and will continue to love it the same way we always have: as college town
  
• The bf's Boston landlord did not change the locks to his old apartment!

Our conclusion? The US hasn't changed much over time and it felt like we never left.

One man's trash...

Pretty shot of a tiffin box sold at Toast
taken from Mer Mag's blog (one of my favs)

Yet all I can think of are those dreadful catered lunches mommy dearest forced herself to order when we were kids, for fear that our latchkey ways would leave us malnourished.

Liberation

I feel massive relief from being rid of toxic allergens via good ol' Nasonex. Thanks for the prescription doctor!

Since we're on the topic, I thought I'd share a story a friend told us over lunch the other day. It was about a man who had terrible allergies throughout his twenties but never quite figured out what he was allergic to. For YEARS he endured the physically and mentally agonizing effects the allergens had on him, only to find out much later that it was the cereal he ate every day. Funny how mankind has the ability to adapt to things like painful skin rashes or constricted nasal passages just because you experience it often enough. Best to get rid of them once and for all if you can - that's my advice.

Really?

Looking back on Bumblebeegrad's result on Typealizer makes me wonder: Am I really The Doer? It's hard to believe that a simple online tool can make such personal determinants based on blog language alone. After all, words are just words, often subjective to verbal accounts. Think about it. "Why are you here?" isn't the same as "Why are you here?" Which reminds of the panda who eats, shoots and leaves. Lol. Does Typealizer read colon + parentheses smiley faces as they are? What if all this isn't really me?

I don't experience many epiphanies. Or at least, I don't recall having done so lately unless you count the not-so-accidental work related ones: "Why can't we just skip those 2 steps by using this model instead?" Ahhh....

"Efficiency's key people. Let's get this done (my way) already."

The bf, being a typical Libran, is the wiser of us two. Me? I'm well, The Doer. If there's anything I'm good at, it's seeing the task at hand and getting it done in the most efficient manner. The brain's like clockwork from 9-8, going from problem to solution, finally packaging results with a big blue bow. Inside joke. Can't help it.

While he's all about the journey and not the destination, I'm shamelessly all about the goal. Every time I reach an intended one, there's that brief moment of satisfaction before I aim for another. It's a neverending game and I play it alone.

There are those (mostly my innerself decked in white robes) who criticize this way of life in no less of a chiding tone, "Why don't you stop to smell the damn roses?"

God knows, I always do. I love beautiful things. Google Reader on my comp is feeding with pictures from photographers, designers and chefs throughout the globe. Every morning I wake up to sunny images of lemon sandwich cookies baked in Provence or someone's modern home office interior in Sweden. But then I'm reminded by a red-clad bugger that I need to go places and get things done on time. And sometimes when I get a moment, the halo bearing side of me goes, "You know, life isn't all about getting things done."

It's all very conflicting isn't it?

I better get going. There's a 3-layer birthday cake waiting to be frosted and it's on my to-do list.

FB statuses best kept here

Danielle discovered why her work comp was acting up.. 512MB! You've got to be f'king kidding me - 8 hours ago

Danielle broke into a cold sweat after intermediate yoga today and almost passed out at the MRT station.. What the..??! - 3 hours ago

Danielle had crackers and chocolate for dinner. Can't ask for more - 2 hours ago

Danielle is recuperating from her near-death experience - 15 minutes ago

Danielle feels like calling in sick - 3 minutes ago

Danielle is hitting the sack after reviewing emails... F*****k - 2 minutes ago

Cheap dates

The bf is obsessed over M.Ward's new album claiming it's his next big love since me. And personally, I'm not one to talk because I too have a problem. From a scale of 1 to 10, how psyched is a normal person allowed to be over a few baking recipes?

I'm at a 12++!

Since I stumbled upon one of the world's loveliest blogs, I've been jittery with excitement waiting for the weekend to come so I can throw on my awesome new apron (thanks SW!) and dip my hands in flour. Ahh. The joys of social network(bak)ing. You gotta love the 21st century.

Well, the little things you say and do make me want to be with you
Rave on
Rave on this crazy feeling
I know
I know it's got me reeling when you say "I love you," I say "rave on"

And so it begins

Your body has a way of telling you things. Mine decided to welcome the new year by heaving into the toilet at 5 in the morning. Mind you, it wasn't from binge drinking but more innocently, food poisoning. Mommy dearest had to speed-drive me to the hospital while I hurled bile into a plastic bag. Graphic. I know. I don't remember the jab the doctor gave me but I woke up with cotton plastered on my arm. Small wounds sure heal quickly.

5AM wake up call. 5 days of recovery in KL.

I'm sure most of us agree that 2009 isn't going to be an easy year. And because history has proven that we're capable of coping, I'm feeling hopeful. Welcome to a brand new chapter everyone. May your moleskine journals be rid of to-dos and your days be filled with glee.

Resolutions: to learn diving and attain inner peace.

Off to Sydney tomorrow

...for work and with some luck, a little bit of play

Each night as I sulk and seethe hunched over my laptop wallowing in despair over the downturns in my life, I can't help but be reminded of the bf's family and how their vocabulary changed overnight to include words like electromyography, Rilutek, therapy, neurologists, mouth exercises, atrophy and feeding tube.

It's rather unfortunate.

And while I try to see that other perspective in life as I should, I sometimes find myself trapped in this chronically morose bubble of mine. Mommy dearest says I should let go and life will play out as it should. The dear bf simply asks "why let the small things bother you?" followed by ever-welcoming kisses. I guess that's where my learnings lie as a twenty-something in this world.

For a handful of reasons, I'm feeling blue today.

Glass half empty

Riding on the MRT tonight I couldn't help but think, "Where is my fall?"

The one where luminous red and golden yellow leaves fill the trees looking down on their fallen friends, brown and crisp as paper. I miss the pumpkin butter bubbling on the stove. And nutty granola baking in the oven. How about freshly sharpened pencils from back-to-school sales? Or squeezing in the last front yard BBQ with friends before winter creeps in?

Gone.

2 months into Singapore, I managed to do the unimaginable. Burn the sides of my lips with strange bleach leaving a 3-week-old scar I'm SO afraid will never go away. Ruin an irreplaceable ruffled silk top merely by grazing it with the maid's iron. Forget what it's like to have time to myself or anything to look forward to. I'd like to think that's all coincidental but I really don't know this environment.

What I do know is that it's easier to feel sorry for oneself and think the glass is half empty. But certainly much harder to make oneself believe that the glass can be half full.

A friend whom I miss dearly taught me how to always think that way. No matter how grim things were, nothing perturbed him. Never once did we hear him complain or whine, or vent. It wasn't that he was simple or polite. He is after all an MIT grad, and I can assure you, we swore a fair amount over beers and client dinners. Having lived with a chronic autoimmune disease all his twenty-something years, he was wiser than most of us to let the smaller things get to him. Such endearing company, I can't help but wish I had spent more time with him.

The bf is that kind of person.

Picking me up from the MRT he simply said, "Better love?" and showered my cheeks with little kisses, slowly melting away the woes with each kiss. I wish I remembered that the glass can be half full when I spent hours scheming to smash my lagging work computer against the wall today. But that still doesn't stop me from missing my fall.

Singapore for me...

is a lot more vices than usual

...and a lot less time in general

How are you doing?

I've been asked this question many times since the big move. Each time, I answer with a riddle: It's home but it isn't. It's weird, but not in a bad way. Everything feels familiar yet unfamiliar. Things are the same, but not really. And finally the age old, I'm not sure.

In KL, I feel comfortable with family and old friends but our house, the one my dad spent a year building, doesn't quite feel like home yet. I realize it's because I've stayed there a lot less than I have our San Francisco apartments or the BU brown stones. I haven't figured out the complicated steam shower knobs and there's no mirror in my room. My wardrobe remains empty, the bulk of my clothes arriving in a week without certainty as to whether or not they'll be homed in Singapore or KL. Don't even ask me how to work the remote.

I love this house. I just haven't learned how to make it my own yet.

And here in Singapore, the bf's place is as comfortable as a house could ever be with its cozy spaces and dust-free shelves. The bathrooms are filled with rays of sunshine in the morning, and I can tell you that there's nothing better than standing under a shower head that literally rains on your face while overlooking a "jungle." Sure there isn't enough closet space, but that could easily be solved with a trip to IKEA. I haven't washed a single dish or cooked a single meal since I arrived. My manicure is impeccable. My mind, confused.

Looking back in my life, I don't recall having any problems adapting. I mean I've moved from LA to Boston and Boston to London then Boston to San Francisco with merely 2 suitcases in hand. I've lived in so many different dorms over the summer I can't even remember the addresses. During a Social Styles team building event, I was deemed the account person with highest adaptability skills. Not a surprise, considering my history.

What makes this move more confusing is that Asia has always been home. And because most of my independent life developed while in the States, the territory I'm most familiar with, this all seems too new. Lose me downtown in New York, LA or San Francisco and I'll figure my way home. Lose me downtown in Singapore, I may still be fine. Lose me in KL, and I'm not sure. Maybe in a few months I will be.

Zagat SF

I had never been one to trust ZAGAT ratings.

Countless times I've been to restaurants that didn't make it with the food, only to step outside (for a smoke. Hah! I kid) and see a ZAGAT-rated posting at the door. Come to think of it the posting may say something along the lines of, "This no-nonsense mom and pop Korean Tofu House has been in the business for 15 years, serving hot pots to hungry NYU freshmen. The food is comforting, if not a tad bit spicy. Don't expect first class service though. If you order peanuts from the bleachers during baseball games, you'll have no problem getting your server's attention." As accurate as that may be, who the hell reads stuff off restaurant windows anyway??! Branding is branding. If you allow a bad restaurant to slap your logo on its door, I'm going to assume you're advocating it.

Regardless (of my rants) the ZAGAT 2008 booklet is the perfect source for developing a must-visit SF restaurant list before hopping on the plane. I was surprise at how many places I've covered over the past 3 years, and even more surprised at how many I haven't. Here's the list of unexplored territories I can't wait to dive into.

Acquerello
Ame
Boulevard
Brother's
Cafe Jacqueline
Clementine
Coi
Delfina
Epic Roasthouse
Farallon
Fleur de Lys
Gary Danko
Katia's Russian Tea Room
Kiss Sushi
La Folie
Lovejoy's Tea Room
Mama's
Masa's
Nick's Crispy Tacos
Oyaji
Quince
Ritz-Carlton Dining Room
Salt House
Swan Oyster Depot
Tommaso's
Town Hall
Zuni Cafe

I made reservations at Zuni and Epic Roasthouse for when Livie visits. And another one at Quince to celebrate the bf and my anniversary. Everything else is still up for the taking. Call me if you wanna do dinner, brunch or lunch! Any time, and I'll check my calendar :) And if you have any suggestions, feel free to toss them my way.

Physically unwell

I'm suffering bouts of migraine and am feeling intermittent fatigue (is that a real condition?). Worse of all, or possibly as a result of it all, I'm wallowing in despair amidst piles of clothes and boxes filled with random stuff I can't decide whether or not to toss. I don't seem to have a cold. Why is this so?

I remember once during senior year of college, how I got quite ill. Then, my head felt REALLY heavy and I had SO much trouble sleeping it made me cry. My throat felt as dry as the Sahara, and I couldn't eat anything for fear of throwing up. When I finally dragged myself to the doctor's office 2 days into the what felt like extreme symptoms, the doctor said perplexed, "I can't tell what's wrong with you." That was when Chris who wasn't the bf then told me very gently, "You're the only person I know who can drive herself physically sick through mental reasons."

Sometimes I wonder if he's always right.

In my "condition," I turned to the Dalai Lama's teachings because I remembered the one thing he said that touched me the most. Verse I from Training the Mind comes in a long paragraph, but here's the bit of information I was referring to:

The Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life (Bodhicaryavatara) says that there is a phenomenological difference between the pain that you experience when you take someone else's pain upon yourself and the pain that comes directly from your own pain and suffering. In the former, there is an element of discomfort because you are sharing the other's pain; however, as Shantideva points out, there is also a certain amount of stability because, in a sense, you are voluntarily accepting that pain. In the voluntary participation in other's suffering there is strength and a sense of confidence. But in the latter case, when you are undergoing your own pain and suffering, there is an element of involuntariness, and because of the lack of control on your part, you feel weak and completely overwhelmed. In the Buddhist teachings on altruism and compassion, certain expressions are used such as "One should disregard one's own well-being and cherish other's well-being." It is important to understand these statements regarding the practice of voluntarily sharing someone else's pain and suffering in their proper context.

One can easily detach oneself from one's own misery if one attempts to help another who's suffering from worse fate. This selflessness then becomes a virtue that ultimately benefits oneself. It's quite possible His Holiness didn't mean it that way but that's part of what I got from it.


*No I'm not religious.

** And no, it's not "trickle down" from Friday night.

Right down to the minute

5 hours into my flight, and another 5 to go.

There’s really no better time to reflect on life than when one is stuck on a plane, virtually confined within a 2 by 2 feet space. I had opted for the best aisle seat in the house, exit row responsibilities and all, but this one came with a broken entertainment system. Is this a sign? Should I be resting?

I’ve been surviving on adrenaline (in other words caffeine) since Monday, and was still packing when the car came to pick me up for the airport. Endless email chains, client meetings, capability off-sites, project handoffs, and more emails. When work was over, there were other necessities to concern myself over: picking up the dry cleaning, purchasing foreign currency at the bank, checking in with the insurance company, finding the right birthday gift for the lil’ sister, getting laundry out of the way and making sure I had something essentially Californian for a family friend I’m meeting. I slept less than 6hrs each day and felt each night, as if my head was putting up a strike with its painful throbbing.

So what does a girl do in a situation like this? She makes a conscious decision to end it all and accept the fact that there’s nothing much she could achieve once she got on the plane. After all, I’m going on vacation! How could I forget that?

Easily it seems.

If the bf were here, he’d make silly jokes to ease my furrowed brows. And I’d suppress my laughter so as to not give him the benefit of knowing he has so successfully been the relaxed party in our almost 4-year-long relationship. He’d then wrap his arms around mine and murmur, “Try to sleep hon. Just try.” I’d be annoyed at him for suggesting the obvious and scowl as I do whatever I could to keep him awake. Depending on his mood he’d a) frown and reluctantly play cards with me, keeping awake with iced Coke b) stay asleep leaving me no choice but to snuggle up against his chest and sleep in the comfort of his warmth and scent.

I’ve been on too many long flights alone to let myself enjoy this reflective moment. Majority of them came with painful goodbyes, which makes me wonder if that’s the reason why I often dread packing and departures regardless of the destination. And yet when asked, I always say I want nothing more than a job that allows global travel. Perhaps my desire for cultural exposure outweighs my dislike of flights. Or perhaps I have hope that I’d have enough opportunities to travel with loved-ones in the future to outgrow this loathing. I can’t tell.

Right now, I’m so afraid that my shuffle would run out of battery. Since my nano was stolen (2 weeks ago, suspiciously by someone within my office building), I’ve had to live with this teeny spare. It belongs to the bf, neatly tucked away in his “wire drawer” with spare chargers and earphones (still wrapped in plastic!). This makes me smile.

The bf’s an awfully unsurprisingly private person, and having me “declare my love” for him is unnerving, but I really can’t help it. I know, as with every other relationship, there’s always a chance that things won’t work out and that if it were to happen I’d have these archived posts to remind me of the loss. Oddly so, this has always been a fear of some friends, but never mine. In the present, I know that I love him very much, and that I can’t imagine my life now if we hadn’t been together. And if the world already knows, it’s not a secret anymore. It won’t make a difference 5 or 10 years later.

There are so many other things I can list about him and about us that make me smile even more but I’ll save that for now, and savor the moments as I try to sleep just as he would ask of me.

In the rush of things

uhacktheplanet2: hey ur blog is acting weird..u know that?
daniellechong: no it isn't
daniellechong: y do u say that?
uhacktheplanet2: b/c it doesnt show any post
uhacktheplanet2: it just says "shut down
daniellechong: i did it on purpose
uhacktheplanet2: ok...
daniellechong: it's my way of being a depressed artist
daniellechong: LOL
uhacktheplanet2: NICE!
uhacktheplanet2: I knew u were an artist

That was a friend being supportive of my "creativity," since he saw this handmade invitation. Little does he know, that this is actually the closest I've ever been to being an artist:

Guess who?

In my Sculpey phase of 2007, I made a miniature bf with a tan, spiky hair, glasses, big feet and all. He's also wearing the Fidra Golf shirt I got him! Not as adorable as the real thing, but this will do for now huh?

Today, I took a stroll back from the gym as opposed to my usual sprint. It occurred to me then that I've been rushing through everything in my life. Speeding through college. Graduating early. Achieving a multitasking record of doing 5 things at once (talking to mommy dearest on the phone, making macaroon batter, sending emails, watching 30 Rock, all while boiling sugar). Speed walking through crowds in the airport regardless of my destination. Heck I even run everywhere within my agency.

What is it that compels me to do everything so quickly? Is it the Chinese saying I grew up with harng tak fai ho sai kai (walk faster for a better world/life/future)? Or is it just me wanting to achieve too many things too quickly? It's about time I stop and smell the roses. And London is where I'm going to start.

Organic strawberries, raspberries and peaches over vanilla bean yogurt, topped with toasted almonds. This season's fruits are just amazing. I wonder how much they will be missed

Shut down

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.

Mental exhaustion

Elation
Sadness
Guilt
Pain
Excitement
Depression
Confusion
Resentment
Comfort
Patience

These all spell emotions I felt over the insomniac weekend.

Today it got worse with frustration, anger, incredulity (over unaccountability and incompetence), betrayal, shock and finally, resignation. It never ceases to amaze me how some people manage in this fast-paced world. I am going to refrain from elaborating further but if there's something everyone should know is that accountability is key in the work place, and people will always know when you're lying.