Thursday, November 29, 2007
Year gone by...
As I flipped through the dog-eared pages of my trusted moleskine journal today, I noticed how many to-do's I've accomplished over the past year. From the mundane (pick up dry cleaning) to the unimaginable (Macarune) -- I managed to fulfill EVERYTHING noted within the pages. Of course being the practical sensible Virgo as I am, I hardly wrote the absurd (jump off a cliff). And even when I did, each was followed by a disclaimer (I kid. Work makes me feel like jumping off a cliff).
Starting at the age of 7, I made many resolutions year after year. Most failed left in the hands of procrastination (application to Harvard) or just from the fact that I was born and raised in Malaysia (start a Holiday Craft Class for kids in the neighborhood). I guess I lived in my own Hollywood (or American) dream of setting up lemonade stands and selling cookies door to door, only to be disappointed.
Vivid memory: At age 9, I gathered all my used (but like NEW!, as Amazon would say) books, placed them neatly in a box and went from door to door trying to make some honest cash. After 3-4 doors, 1 of which came with a screaming woman, I gave up. "Why are people so mean?" I wondered.
During my teenage years, I realized that to-do's didn't matter. A straight-A student by national aggregate, I was really nothing at school because the teachers didn't favor me (Was it because I made 1 of them cry by insisting that the cheerleader team's skirts remain the length proposed? Or was it because I fell asleep during my Physics trial? Or was it because, as a prefect I shouldn't have organized school dances that were deemed taboo?). After all those years of dealing with unreasonable school teachers, forcing myself to accept the norms of nepotism, not to mention, screaming neighbors, I'm glad I didn't swear off my to-do's or I wouldn't have been as loved by my college professors.
So while I sit at my work desk reveling in my accomplishments at twenty-something, I can't help but chide myself for being constantly glum or angry.
I just don't have the right to be.