Homesick

I’ve been feeling pretty homesick since I got back. At work when I’m asked, “How was your trip?” I often answer with a: “It was great! I had a ton of fun but each time I come back I’m not sure where I belong. It’s like I’m neither here nor there.” This response usually leaves me with a dumbfounded coworker followed by the sound of shuffling feet or an obligatory “Aww;” head tilt included.

I’ve come to the conclusion that no one local will ever understand how I feel so I stopped talking about it. Part of me is so in love with my life in SF and yet the other part is just too attached to KL despite my being in denial sometimes. I mean come on. Where else in the world will I get lollipop sticks and William-Sonoma online but the U.S.? PLUS every time I’m home, I’m absolutely reliant on my guy friends cause I “shouldn’t drive at night” (or at all, really). Thanks guys. I love you all.

My childhood friend Suen mentioned at a bar once how I’m very “seasonal” and that depending on where I am (mainly SF or KL) I do/like totally different things. Am I a chameleon? It’s true I adapt well no matter where I go: LA, Boston, London, and Switzerland. You name it. Everywhere I’ve been for long periods of time I’ve enjoyed, fit in, and made new friends. At work, our team did a personality survey and my adaptability scale rated 9/10.

Is this rating the cause of my confusion? Do I adapt too well for my own good? If life is good here for now, why do I long for home so much? Am I a KL girl at heart?

Lol. How ridiculous. This time while I was back, I spent copious amount of time at malls meeting friends – mostly because of the cool bars within (the Curve) and free AC (virtually every mall). While at 1U, I couldn’t take my eyes off all the cute dresses at Guess. But I held off on buying any knowing that Guess is cheaper here in the U.S. and conveniently there’s one right down the block from where I work. Yesterday I stepped in there for some lunch hour retail therapy and guess what? I couldn’t find any of the pretty things I saw in KL. EVERYTHING they had in the store was hoochie – my exact perception of the brand since I came to the States 6 years ago! Even Guess is better at home. I think I’m going to cry.