Homesick

I’ve been feeling pretty homesick since I got back. At work when I’m asked, “How was your trip?” I often answer with a: “It was great! I had a ton of fun but each time I come back I’m not sure where I belong. It’s like I’m neither here nor there.” This response usually leaves me with a dumbfounded coworker followed by the sound of shuffling feet or an obligatory “Aww;” head tilt included.

I’ve come to the conclusion that no one local will ever understand how I feel so I stopped talking about it. Part of me is so in love with my life in SF and yet the other part is just too attached to KL despite my being in denial sometimes. I mean come on. Where else in the world will I get lollipop sticks and William-Sonoma online but the U.S.? PLUS every time I’m home, I’m absolutely reliant on my guy friends cause I “shouldn’t drive at night” (or at all, really). Thanks guys. I love you all.

My childhood friend Suen mentioned at a bar once how I’m very “seasonal” and that depending on where I am (mainly SF or KL) I do/like totally different things. Am I a chameleon? It’s true I adapt well no matter where I go: LA, Boston, London, and Switzerland. You name it. Everywhere I’ve been for long periods of time I’ve enjoyed, fit in, and made new friends. At work, our team did a personality survey and my adaptability scale rated 9/10.

Is this rating the cause of my confusion? Do I adapt too well for my own good? If life is good here for now, why do I long for home so much? Am I a KL girl at heart?

Lol. How ridiculous. This time while I was back, I spent copious amount of time at malls meeting friends – mostly because of the cool bars within (the Curve) and free AC (virtually every mall). While at 1U, I couldn’t take my eyes off all the cute dresses at Guess. But I held off on buying any knowing that Guess is cheaper here in the U.S. and conveniently there’s one right down the block from where I work. Yesterday I stepped in there for some lunch hour retail therapy and guess what? I couldn’t find any of the pretty things I saw in KL. EVERYTHING they had in the store was hoochie – my exact perception of the brand since I came to the States 6 years ago! Even Guess is better at home. I think I’m going to cry.

Yucky herbal meds

I lost my sense of taste October of 06. I don’t know how it happened, but I realized it one day when I couldn’t taste anything during a typical rich pasta dinner. Despite that, my appetite remained the same and I didn’t think twice about it. During my trip home last Christmas I was reminded of the situation when I simply rejected mommy dearest’s dinner noting how, “I can’t taste anyway.” This of course startled my mom and I was hurried (by mom) to see a doctor. Because there wasn’t time during my stay to visit SJMC, I made an appointment January 07 to see an ENT under insurance. There in an aged brown building near my workplace, I was tested for allergies with 20 teeny needles stuck into both arms. I found out that day that:

1. I am not allergic to cats (yay!)

2. I am allergic to some dust mites

3. I am allergic to ALL types of pollen you can think of

2 out of the many pollen pin pricks on my left arm swelled up to the size of quarters (think 20 ringgit cents) and itched for a day. Ouch! The verdict: oak and bay.

Dr N gently explained to me how I had “been allergic for a long time” and that was the primary reason I couldn’t smell. As a result, I lost my sense of taste as well. He then proceeded to stick a long metal thing up my nose. I'm not sure if I can describe to you what an odd sensation that was. The cold steely thing went upwards then inwards towards the back of my head. With my eyes tightly shut, I realized that the folds of tissue behind my bone-hard nose created a soft and mushy area within my skull. How interesting.

After causing a few sneezes (what if I had sneezed with the metal thing up my nose?!!) and uncontrollable mucus excretion, Dr N firmly recommended an anti-allergen shot. He also prescribed nasal spray and told me to come back in 10 days. Needless to say, I couldn’t. There was just too much to do at work so I didn’t go back resulting in my now malfunctioned nose. Instead I made do with the trial bottle of Nasalnex and kept my fingers crossed that the jab on my hip made a difference.

Most recently while I was home for CNY, a dear dear friend recommended that I see Mrs. C, a Chinese Dr specializing in insurance (she has two jobs!). Plump and friendly Mrs. C felt my pulse and came to the conclusion that I, Danielle Chong, am weak and pale. Her exact words translated:

“Your lungs are weak, and you look pale. You don’t breathe properly because both sides of your nose have swollen up to an unusual state. Notice how you take short breaths in between breaths? Take some prescribed (Chinese) meds, and you’ll get better. You’ll need to take them for a long period of time though, and eat yourself until you’re fat. You’re too skinny (I could tell she was lying. I caught her blinking).”

So I started off by paying for a week’s worth of meds. My younger sister witnessed my very first trial and said, “So how much did she rip you off?” Dear sis, you made me laugh really hard but I have faith in Mrs. C’s ground super brown powder.

I now have 3 months' supply, a total of RM900, of this super powder to consume. Ugh. I calculated how much I may be "wasting" on a daily basis (RM900/90 = RM10/day = 2 bowls of prawn mee + 1 teh peng).

Wish me luck.

Crisis crisis everywhere

I just came out of the most excruciating meeting and everyone’s ass is on fire. AND I’m typing a blog entry!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Save me from insanity. Think I'll move to Switzerland like Audrey.

My mustard yellow...

I got this jacket from MNG while I was home. It’s (English) mustard yellow with cool knit collars. If you look at it closely, it really doesn’t have most features of a real bomber jacket but I still adore it. I love that it’s thin enough for SF weather, I love that it cuts off right below my elbows, and I love that it stands out simply because of its color. Odd and alone on the rack amongst prettier/daintier pieces, I don’t think this jacket would’ve been picked up by anyone else but me (I could be wrong, but I do tend to prefer puppies from the pound). Upon my inspection of the discovered, mommy dearest asked candidly, “Are you sure this will flatter your already yellow skin?” I sure hope so mom. I spent a total of 9 hours in this today, and I hope no one mistook me for a banana.

1258, Boston

One spring day in ’04, in a little apartment down on Commonwealth Ave. there hung a few negligees and brasserie with thin lace trimmings and small ribbons. There they stayed for a day, slightly swaying from the breeze as they basked in the sun. I’m no poet but I thought it was beautiful, along with the hydrangeas by the window.

If you look closely enough, you might just notice the Dumb & Dumber poster above the heater, the old record player next to the hydrangeas and the $20 Ikea lamp from where the hangers hung. Still, the scene was ethereal, and the camera snapped.

Back in SF - Neither here nor there

2 weeks seem like a really short time when you have to go through what seems like an amazing rollercoaster ride. I’ve had another confusing vacation at home – making me question where I belong. So much so that I even contemplated renaming this blog “Neither Here nor There” but that’s just dumb because no one reads this but me anyways.

Being in KL once again made me realize how I could maybe live at home where my family and dear friends are. I can just imagine sneaking out for late nights at the mamak, swimming in our pool overlooking a lake every morning, driving my very own car in the city, watching my lil sisters grow up, playing gin with the ‘rents and sis by our teeny koi pond, hanging out with nieces/nephews and eating yummy food everyday. I can imagine being in love in KL, sharing everything with the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Just enjoying each other’s company and naively dreaming of the future. Oh what a fantasy. What I can’t imagine is the bulk of my life now – my career.

Throughout my plane ride home, all I could think of was home. I never did get used to plane rides. They drive me just as crazy as if I were kept in a room for a full day, with a ton of questions in my head and no one to answer them for me. This dismayed reaction to long plane rides started when I was 18 flying to the US for my first year of college. Then it was because I was crazy in love with my first bf and leaving him for the first time kept me in tears all throughout the 4+12-hr long plane ride. I remember getting pre-insurance conjunctivitis upon arrival, and mommy laughing at the clinic bill when it came. Ugh. And here I am after so many years, a career girl still crying on planes clutching my pillow tight. Some feelings just won’t go away no matter how hard you try to shake them.

I arrived back in SF after the previously described experience, unlocked my apt door, stepped in and took in a waft of the comforting familiar smell of scented candles and wood. I had forgotten how beautiful this apt was. In the overstuffed mailbox was a paycheck from work, and I thought to myself – life is almost perfect here, why does it always feel like something’s missing? Is this something I can achieve over time? Will I get what I’ve always dreamed of after 3 years? I’m hoping so much it will happen cause I know I’m willing to drop everything I have now if it means everything I’ve ever dreamed of.

Some of my favorite color combinations:

Red and grey
Powder blue and brown
Brown and pink
Black and black
Navy and white
Violet and yellow
Yellow and brown
Green and black
White and grey
Cream and puffs
Green and tea
Orange and umm orange

Think I’m getting off track here. Please excuse me while I raid my fridge.